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    Originally Released Summer 2009

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about

Summer. I had a crush on her when we were younger. She wrote me a letter. I wanted to know her. We both liked coffee. I liked her. She looked different. She looked beautiful. Still. I couldn't kiss her. She invited me to a party. I came. I got scared. I went home. I talked to her all night. I told her my heart was stapled to hers. I told her I was dying to kiss her. She dared me to try. We went to the movies. We kissed. We held hands. We cried together under the glow of the screen. We watched movies, we watched television. We touched quietly so the others wouldn't hear. She walked to my house in the morning. We shrank out of our clothes. I was scared. She pretended not to care. She stopped answering messages. She vanished into thin air. I cried. I cursed god. I saw the longness of my life without her. I begged her not to leave. Not to let me go. She did. And then there was just me.

This album is a document of hurt. It's about something. It is quick and real. It is not professional. It does not rock. But these songs came from actual places. They were not written, they were felt aloud.

__

credits

released July 3, 2009

Brett: drums, guitars, samples, synths, etc.

tags

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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The Digital Pickup Line New York, New York

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Track Name: Violinism
Instrumental
Track Name: Driving To The Airport
When they go, the summer months tip-toe discreetly
And the clocks tick-tock for no one else but me
In the blanket of my sense of self-reduction
Letting go of everything you let me be

I don't have to drive my car
There's nowhere left to go
It's pointless without you
I don't have to sleep or dream
I've seen it all before
It means nothing without you

Driving to the airport
Clinging to the seconds that remained
Stopping traffic like a funeral behind us
Honking horns were scoring soundtracks to my pain

'Cause I'm only at my best when I'm beside you
I only see the sunlight through your hair
The grass is only green beneath your sandals
My heart would only beat when you were there

I don't have to find a job
There's nothing that I need
It's all stupid without you
I don't need to wash my hair
or floss or brush my teeth
I'm nothing without you

Last year was the best that I ever had...
Track Name: Anyone Else But Me
Let's pretend
We're in bed
And the world's gone nuclear war
Would you rather be
Dead biology
This won't hurt anymore

(This
will be the last time
I let them tear us apart)

Don't get comfortable
Don't feel wonderful
Don't hold hands with anyone but me
Don't get glamorous
Don't act amorous
Don't make plans with anybody else but me

I suppose
You would go
If the keys to your cage were dispensed
What calamity
Took your heart from me
Nothing makes any sense

(I
simply wanted
a chance to be everything to you)
Track Name: Dora
Well if I told how much I need you to stay
Will you still go anyway?
Would it sway you either way?
Or if I bought you flowers, would you take me too?
Could I mean that much to you?
Tell me what there is that I could do... to get to you

If two and two was five and day was night instead
Would you love me then?
Enough to take me back again
If I was Fred Astaire, well would you even care
About the clothes I wear
Would you still be happy in the air... if I was there

This is how we let things go
There's nothing that I wouldn't trade
for one more fucking second in your arms
Oh no, I spoke too slow
You'll see the world and everything will help you to forget about me

Am I another heart left in the bitter wake?
Another cute mistake?
Just a consequence for you to date?
I swore that there was more to what you said to me
About eternity
And how it's only long if you're alone...
I can only sigh and watch you go
Track Name: Interlude: Paris, 1939
A cup of coffee in a quaint cafe
Miles away
from yesterday
A stranger sitting in a corner booth
Looks like you
the things you'd do

Examining my methods of letting go
I won't act so
Confident now that I'm on my own
That way we'll stay
Separate but equal in the scheme of things
Let me be, please
Forget the colors of my favorite clothes
Let them fade, slip away

A cigarette that doesn't ease the pain
Grey and blue
it tastes like you
I heard them saying on the radio
the war's begun
and no one's won

Reflecting on the way that I packed my bags
Was that too brash
Could I have ended things tastefully?
Would you let me?
Your letters go in the fireplace
I can't read that
Your feelings for me are a cross to bear
I don't care
This is where
it stops
Track Name: Tremolo Girl
Oh god, here we go
Just another night out with the tremolo girls
and the gay boys they call their own
Everybody's looking for someone to
Trade names and URL's
The sun comes up but you never can tell
'Cause it's so bright beneath the lights
of the iPhone screens

Left hands with champagne flutes
All the movie stars take pictures of you
As a complacence sets in me
This isn't where I want to be
'Cause I'm with you, this much is true
Though you wouldn't know from the rounds you do
I just want a date that doesn't roam
I guess that you could say that I'm
just a little bit bored
in this digital world
I'm double-clicked and sick of this shit
that never makes me happy
I want a place to go
where I can be alone
And leave the sound of mounting parties
somewhere far behind me

Oh god, here we go
The night's on fire for the tremolo girls
As your narrator takes his time
with calculating his goodbye
'cause I've lost patience with your friends
and I wouldn't waste my time again
I'll just show myself outside the door
and find a bottle to implore

One day you will go through your inbox and
suddenly realize that
Everything you wanted was once
Asking to see you
Inbetween festivites
He foolishly believed that
you were something worth saving
Track Name: I've Forgotten Everything
I've forgotten everything about you
'til someone says your name
I've forgotten all the reasons I loved you
'til someone tells me that you rang

The memories are hazy now
I don't recall at all
there's nothing, there's nothing there
just me
and I don't understand why

I can't recollect my feelings
'til someone mentions that they saw you
I really don't remember all the things you said
'til someone shows me where you live

Why is everything so hazy now
I don't recall at all
there's nothing, there's nothing there
just me
and I don't understand why

I can't recall your smile
the touch of your hand holding mine
and I can't remember why
holding you seemed so right

The memories they're hazy now
I don't recall at all
there's nothing, there's nothing there
just me
and I don't understand why

I've forgotten everything about you
'til someone says your name
I've forgotten all the reasons I loved you
'til someone tells me that you rang
Track Name: Until The Twenty Seventh Of June
I.

May Eighteenth was the day that it started
And by the time June Fifteenth had departed
All of the beautiful things that we started had gone away
You had an aeroplane ticket to ride with
Put all those stupid emotions behind it
Something inside you spoke up and decided to dislocate

I had a crush on you when we were younger
Broken in two by the spell that I'm under
All I can do now is sit here and wonder what I did wrong
Distance would never have made this thing harder
That was what I told you when we first started
Left broken hearted in places where there was just nothing at all

Don't understand what I did to deserve this
Wondering whether the good times were worth it
All of the love in my heart is dispersing without you here
Wishing that I had the courage to hate you
Want to go backwards in time and erase you
All of the places you took me are going to disappear

II.

I can't get over what I'm over with with you...

Blonde on blonde
My coffee date
Don't make me face the twenty eighth alone

III.

In response to the way you hurt me
You won't hurt me now
I've trained my heart to hate you
I've pulled your needles out
In regards to the way I loved you
I won't love you now
I've taught myself to loathe you
I'll never let it get this far again

IV.

I'm not some fucking doll for you to play with
I'm not some fuck you're going to forget
I'm not some fucking dream that you can wake from
I've got nowhere else to go, I'm stuck with this
Left with this
Track Name: I'm Not Singing To The Angels
I'm not gonna talk to any girls
I'm not gonna smile or wink at
Send mixed signals, make them think that
I'm not gonna ask them out on dates
Shudder under fathers gazes
Take them out to fancy places
I'm not singing to the angels
I'm not gonna fall in love again

I don't want to kiss you anymore
I don't want that happy feeling
Makes my brain go through the ceiling
I don't want to call you on the phone
No more throwing stones at windows
Splitting blankets, sharing pillows
I'm not singing to the angels
I'm not gonna think of you no more

I don't want to hurt myself again
Won't go through the way that I felt then
If there was one thing I could invent
I'd go back in time and stop myself

I'm not gonna think of you at all
I won't cry, I've learned my lessons
Even at my most defenseless
I'm not gonna talk to any girls
What's the point in cheap romances
I'll be fine, I'll take my chances
I'm not singing to the angels
I'm not gonna fall in love again
Track Name: Crashing
Crash with me
We've had too much fun and now that everybody's gone
The trains don't go to Brooklyn
Stay with me
Fall asleep beside me, let me hear you breathing
We don't have work tomorrow

Crash with me
Take my shaking hands and make them do you justice
The room is slightly spinning
Sleep with me
Maybe when we're old we'll both know what it felt like
I'm not frightened anymore

Crash with me
Even if tomorrow things get complicated
I don't care about it
Touch my face
Lie and tell me how you'll never, ever let me go
Because I'll believe you
I always do
Crash here with me